I'll Never Regret You
by Kayleen756894
Summary: She wanted to love Chloe. She wanted to imprint Chloe with everything that she was. She wanted to ensure that even if the world forgot about Rachel Amber, Chloe Price never would. Amberprice, bittersweet, takes place shortly before Rachel's disappearance.


A/N: **I started writing this fic months ago, but playing Before the Storm inspired me to finish it. I'm screaming just like everyone else, I can assure you. This fic takes place on Chloe's 19th birthday, shortly before Rachel disappears. There are two things revealed in Before the Storm that I'm going to disregard for this story (spoiler alert), one being that Chloe had the bullet necklace at sixteen and that she apparently isn't a virgin. For this story to have its full impact, let's pretend those things aren't true.**

 **Prepare for feels y'all. This one deals with some pretty heavy emotions and explores what it's like to both cherish someone's heart and slowly break it. To have choices but feel like you have no choice.**

 **Story was inspired from the letter Rachel wrote to Chloe that you find in the trash in their hideout, and also slightly from a Life is Strange CMV called My Kinda Woman, created by Jace and Oli. It gave me all the Amberprice feels. Go check it out.**

* * *

 **I'll Never Regret You**

It was late, nearly midnight, but Rachel and Chloe paid no mind to the time as they lazed about in Chloe's room and finished off their shared bottle of raspberry sour puss. Rachel hogged the last sip, tipping the bottle high to get every last drop. She savoured the sweetness enveloping her tongue and was well aware how Chloe's hazy eyes were fixated on her as her throat bobbed from gulping down the red liquid. The sour alcohol burned her throat but it felt good.

The blonde reached for a canned beer and popped the tab, taking a small sip. It was cheap and tasted like shit compared to the sour puss, but beer wasn't supposed to taste good. Rachel just wanted to drink until she got wasted like she normally did most nights to try and soothe the aching guilt and self-hatred that threatened to eat her alive.

Chloe reached for a beer as well before pausing, seeming to think better of it before reaching for her half-finished joint instead. The blue haired girl's eyes were clouded and her cheeks were flushed and her movements were sluggish. She hadn't consumed any more than Rachel had but she was already drunk. That wasn't surprising to Rachel and it probably wasn't to Chloe, either. Chloe actually didn't drink very much and usually only did when Rachel was around so they could enjoy it together. She was actually a lightweight. Chloe much preferred to blaze.

Rachel, on the other hand, was turning into an alcoholic and was starting down the poisonous path of drug addiction. When everyone liked her and gave her shit for free, especially the local drug dealer, Rachel didn't see a point of saying no.

Rachel didn't know why everyone liked her. She definitely didn't like herself. She didn't even really know who Rachel Amber was.

The blonde didn't want to be captured in thoughts like those tonight. She just wanted to spend time with Chloe and try to make amends. She'd been neglecting Chloe recently and they both knew it. With Madsen taking the night shift at Blackwell tonight neither of them had to worry about him barging in and barking about the smell of marijuana. Joyce was already asleep and Joyce actually liked her, so Rachel knew she would leave them in peace.

Peace wasn't something Rachel was used to. Not anymore.

"Here," Chloe murmured, making Rachel's gaze snap towards the blue haired girl. She was sitting on a wooden chair in front of her computer desk and held out the joint between two fingers for Rachel to take.

Rachel nodded in thanks, distractedly accepting the joint and guiding it to her lips. She inhaled deeply, savouring the smoke in her lungs, before slowly blowing it in Chloe's face. Chloe probably would have gave her the finger if she was sober but drunk Chloe just wore a dopey grin, letting the smoke waft all around her face.

Rachel was reminded in an instant that this girl was completely in love with her.

She didn't want to think about that either, because it made her self-hatred so much worse.

Rachel hastily took another hit before passing back the joint. Chloe took it from Rachel's fingers directly with her lips and Rachel chuckled, smoke spiraling from the corners of her lips as she shook her head. Chloe was at her best level of drunk right now; when she was happy and smiling and carefree. When she forgot for a little that her dad was dead. When she forgot for a little that Max hadn't said a word to her in over four years.

When she forgot for a little that Rachel was pulling away from her, just like everyone else in her life.

Rachel couldn't deny it, nor could she justify it. But it was true, even if she wasn't doing it on purpose. She didn't want to hurt Chloe. Of course she didn't want to hurt Chloe. Chloe was her best friend; the only person who actually cared for Rachel and not just 'Rachel Amber.' Chloe was there for her when self-entitled punks tried to hassle her at clubs and when her family's bullshit tried to drag her down into their web of misfortune. Chloe was there even when Rachel was being a manipulative, colossal bitch and taking out her anger and frustrations on Chloe, even though the blue haired girl did nothing to deserve such outbursts.

Chloe was there for Rachel when she didn't deserve it.

Could Rachel honestly say she did the same for Chloe?

Maybe at some point that were true. When they were younger and had no one to rely on but each other. When things were simpler somehow, even though their lives were shit. They were just as shit as before but now doors had been opening for Rachel, which meant closing some of the ones that got her here.

They both hated Arcadia Bay and wanted nothing more than to make it big in LA. It was their dream to go there together, but it was a wild fantasy without a steady income and actual opportunities. But Rachel actually found a way to kick off her modelling career and get her name out there. She even found ways to get down to LA.

But Chloe wouldn't be able to come with her, and Chloe would never be able to understand why Rachel would go alone. She'd be crushed. She'd feel abandoned all over again by the one person she thought would stay this time.

Rachel would become the new Max in Chloe's life, more than she already had. It wasn't exactly that Rachel didn't want Chloe to be mad at her or hate her; she would deserve it if she left Arcadia Bay without Chloe. But she didn't want Chloe to hate herself thinking she was the reason she left; like there was something she could have done differently to make Rachel stay with her.

Rachel didn't want Chloe to cry herself to sleep over her like she sometimes still did over Max.

"This was the best birthday ever."

Rachel stared at the blue haired girl. Chloe's grin was so dopey it made Rachel grin too despite her grim thoughts.

"We barely even did anything," Rachel replied, taking a large sip of her beer before leaning over from her position on Chloe's bed to place the half-empty can on the floor. "At least anything different than we normally do."

"Sure," Chloe said with a shrug, finishing off the joint with a long inhale and an equally long exhale. Her eyes were red as they stared down at Rachel and were filled with a warmth and vulnerability that only blossomed when they were alone. "But I got to spend it with you."

Rachel's heart clenched. She didn't deserve such sweet words.

"Plus you got me this awesome necklace," Chloe gushed, rubbing the triple bullets hanging over her chest. She clenched them to her palm. "I'm gonna wear it every day."

"I'm glad you like it. It suits you." The words were genuine but hard to choke out all the same. Rachel decided to throw in a tease, hoping to ease the emotion that was weighing the conversation, "It makes you look less like a baby-punk."

"Fuck you," Chloe laughed, shoving Rachel's shoulder playfully. "It's been a long time since my try-hard days at the mill."

"Your ability to piss people off hasn't changed since then, though," Rachel replied.

"I'm just doing what I can to get by, same as always," Chloe said with a shrug. "Not my fault that Frank is always grumpy and step-douche always has a stick up his ass." Chloe's expression fell suddenly, like she was remembering something painful. "I hope I don't piss you off as much as I used to."

Rachel faintly heard her phone vibrate in her pocket but she paid it no mind because at that exact moment her heart throbbed so hard all she could focus on was the blood pounding in her ears and the pulsing ache in her chest.

"Chloe, you don't..."

"I know I'm hard to deal with sometimes," Chloe continued, not letting Rachel finish. Shit. This was the period of Chloe's drunkenness that Rachel didn't like; when Chloe remembered sadness. She didn't get angry, not really, but a lot of self-loathing tended to shine through which tended to remind Chloe of all the bad things that happened to her. Chloe never deserved to feel that way, especially on her birthday.

But Chloe's self-hatred could overpower many things, even Rachel's numerous reassurances.

But maybe that was because some of those reassurances were hollow and they both knew it.

Rachel's phone vibrated again. She ignored it.

"I know I'm a problem child," Chloe persisted, clumsily swiping blue strands out of her hazy eyes. She had looked so carefree just a moment ago and now she looked like the world just dropped all of its weight on her shoulders. "I've caused so much shit for my mom and everyone else around me. That's why everyone always leaves. I can't blame them. I mean, look at me. I wanted to end this night with a celebration and just forget about my fucked up past and now all I can do is wallow in it." Chloe looked like she wanted to be angry but just didn't have the energy, morphing her expression into a miserable grimace instead. "I can't even imagine all the problems I've given you, Rachel. No idea how you're still with me."

Rachel held back her wince. She didn't want to hear those words but she knew this wouldn't be the last time she heard them. She wished she could stay with Chloe forever. She wished she wasn't selfish enough to break Chloe's heart. This poor girl in front of her had already suffered so much and was the last person who deserved to suffer more.

"Chloe, I care about you. Deeply," Rachel said firmly, and the words were truer than Chloe would ever know. She tried to meet Chloe's gaze but the blue haired girl was staring at the floor. Rachel continued, hoping to bring some faith out of the punk, "I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be."

"I want to believe that. I wish I could. But everyone who says that leaves. One day they're here and the next they're... not."

For a third time Rachel's phone vibrated. The blonde was more than willing to ignore it again and parted her lips to halt Chloe's slow emotional breakdown, but Chloe shook her head and gestured to the pocket of Rachel's jeans.

"Someone really wants your attention," Chloe pointed out before turning her head to look at the small TV in the corner of her room, far away from where Rachel was sitting. "You should answer them."

That was the last thing Rachel was going to do right now. She already knew who was texting her and what they wanted and damn her soul to the deepest pits of hell if she chose to ignore her hurting best friend, the girl that loved her, just to answer those texts. She could easily do that later when the situation wasn't as pressing.

"They can wait. You're what's important to me right now," Rachel affirmed, turning off her phone and tossing it on her red plaid shirt that had been discarded on the floor beside Chloe's bed after her first drink that night. Chloe seemed surprised by this, surprised that she would be someone's priority, and returned her gaze to Rachel's. The blonde held out her hand for Chloe to take, gently guiding the blue haired girl to sit next to her on the bed. Now being so close, Rachel really noticed how the weed clung to Chloe's razorback tank and how her breath reeked of alcohol. The blonde probably smelled the same.

Rachel almost always knew what to say to people to manipulate them. She was talented at reading people and knowing what to do and say to work everything to her advantage. It made conversation easy when everything played in her favour, and it was satisfying when she overcame a social challenge.

But she didn't want to manipulate Chloe. She did it sometimes without realizing because it was ingrained so deeply into her persona, and with Chloe being so deeply in love with her it was even easier to accidentally manipulate her. Chloe's feelings were precious and appreciated and Rachel felt like a fucking asshole anytime she took advantage of that, accidental or not.

She really didn't want to do that to Chloe right now.

So Rachel took a moment to just look at her so she could figure out what to say. Chloe just looked so... tired. Tired and sad. The dopey smile she wore earlier had vanished completely, replaced by a tight, neutral expression. Her blue eyes had shiny crimson rims and were lazily flickering between Rachel's. It hurt so much to look into those eyes; eyes that could tell she would be abandoned again eventually; eyes that wished she could keep Rachel forever but somehow she knew, expected, Rachel to become the new Max in her life.

Rachel refused to accept the fact that she and Max would become the same person. She didn't want to hurt Chloe like that. She didn't want to just leave and never talk to Chloe again. She didn't want to abandon Chloe in Arcadia Bay and leave her with no one.

But she knew that was exactly what she was going to do, no matter how she tried to rationalize it. In the end, she was going to be the bad guy. Worse than those guys from the mill all those years ago. Worse than Madsen, Victoria, even Nathan. She had to be as good as possible before the evil overtook her, even if such efforts were fruitless.

Before she left, she needed Chloe to know how loved she was and how much she mattered in this world.

"Chloe," Rachel began softly, squeezing Chloe's hand, "you know you're drunk, right?"

"And high," the punk replied without missing a beat. Then she frowned. "Not that it's helping."

Rachel stared at her, keeping her expression as still as possible. "Do you think you'll remember any of this in the morning?"

Chloe stared back but didn't really seem to be looking at her. "I don't know," came the soft reply. "I want to, but I also don't."

Rachel tilted her head slightly, running her thumb over Chloe's knuckles. "Why's that?"

Chloe shrugged. "I don't want to remember feeling sad, but I don't want to forget any moment I ever spent with you."

The reoccurring clench in Rachel's chest made itself known again, spreading throughout her limbs until she felt numb. What made it hurt so much was that Rachel wasn't sure if she agreed or disagreed with Chloe's wants. She didn't want Chloe to be sad but Rachel knew she was going to make Chloe sad, so it would probably be best if Chloe forgot all about her.

But she was selfish. She cared about Chloe. She didn't want Chloe to ever forget about her, even if Rachel left her behind. Rachel knew for sure that she would never forget about Chloe, no matter where her life took her.

Rachel could never forget about someone who saved her from herself.

"Listen to me, Chloe," Rachel said, cupping Chloe's bare shoulders, the smooth skin warm under her palms. "We're both fuck-ups, okay? We are. We've both made some pretty stupid decisions in the past. Spent money we didn't own. Visited dangerous places. Got involved with people we shouldn't have. So much stupid shit and a lot of regrets. I've done many things I'm not proud of, and that includes all the times I've been unreasonably upset at you for things you never even did, or just did because you care so much." Rachel gently tilted Chloe's chin upwards to face her, because she needed Chloe to look at her for what she was about to say. Rachel inched a little closer, ensuring that she would capture the entirety of Chloe's vision. "But meeting you was _not_ one of those things."

Chloe's eyes widened, glossy irises flicking back and forth between Rachel's. "How can you say that?" Chloe murmured, barely audible. The question sounded accusing but the usual bark had left Chloe's tone before the night even started; instead it just sounded self-deprecating. "How can you know for sure that you don't regret being around me? Everyone else surely does, and then they leave. They move on to bigger and better things than me. Maybe you would have already found those bigger and better things if you weren't stuck in this place with my vortex of problems. I've probably held you back from so many opportunities, from so many fun nights and fun people, 'cause I'm a selfish asshole who wants you all to myself." A tear fell from the corner of Chloe's eye but instead of swiping it away angrily like she normally would, she let it trail down her cheek. Rachel's gaze followed its descent before shooting upwards to Chloe's eyes again when she heard the blue haired girl take a shaky breath. "Because you're all I have left."

Rachel sighed deeply, watching the tips of Chloe's hair flutter against her breath. This was an all-around awful, but unavoidable, situation. Normally Rachel would run from moments like these. She's a drifter, a free spirit, one to not get tied down to any sort of person or situation.

But Rachel was already fucked for that in more than one way, so it didn't matter anymore. She knew exactly what it was like to be obsessed with someone and the yearning to know how they really thought about you. To know if you're worth their time. Someone's opinion should never matter that much—especially not more than your own opinion of yourself—but Arcadia Bay was a small town where everyone knew everything about each other, and it was easy to get lost in the rumour mill and forget about the things that really mattered.

And what really mattered in this moment, way more than Rachel's reputation and career and persona, was Chloe. Chloe's opinion of herself was so far from how wonderful she really was. She didn't care about her own opinion. The only opinion Chloe cared about was Rachel's, and Rachel had to use that for Chloe's own good. When Rachel was gone Chloe would need to search inside herself for her own self-importance because she wouldn't be able to find it by Rachel's side anymore. Rachel had to prepare her for that moment.

It was vital that Chloe understood how significant she was or Rachel knew the poor girl would completely become undone when she was gone.

"I haven't been the greatest friend to you. I think we both know that," Rachel admitted, surprising herself and Chloe judging by her wide, blue eyes. "I've made you cry sometimes. I hate myself for that. Sometimes I wouldn't return your calls and let you get even more worried about me. I hate myself for that. Sometimes you would ask for my help and I wouldn't give it. I hate myself for that. Sometimes you would try to tell me how you feel... and I would run. I would run every time. I _hate_ myself for that."

Rachel cupped Chloe's flushed cheeks, thumbing away her tears. "I'm sorry for all the times I didn't treat you right. I'm sorry for always running away. I'm a coward. But you're so brave, Chloe, braver than anyone I know, and that always keeps me coming back because I care for you. I love being around you. My life has been dipped in shit thanks to my family and the Vortex Club and those assholes from the mill, and I know I keep it together really well but that doesn't mean I'm not struggling. And what made that daily struggling bearable was always you. You're this beautiful ray of light in my life Chloe, like a lighthouse safely guiding me to shore. Every moment I spend with you is a relief, a treasure, and I will never regret any of it, because you are the best thing that's ever happened to me."

It wasn't a lie. It wasn't a lie. Not completely. Rachel had to keep repeating to herself that it wasn't a lie. Chloe was her best friend. Her saviour. She loved her. Chloe made her happy.

But Chloe couldn't open a gateway to professional modelling. Chloe couldn't get her out of Arcadia Bay. Not like someone else could.

But that didn't matter tonight. That was a problem for tomorrow; next week; months from now. Tonight all her attention would be on Chloe because not only did Chloe deserve it, Rachel wanted her to have it, and Rachel didn't need to convince herself away from any guilt because this was the wholehearted truth.

Chloe would always be the greatest friend she ever had. Nothing and no one could ever change that, not even herself.

The blue haired girl was crying harder now, her sleek, red-rimmed eyes darting all over Rachel's face, trying to find a form of deceit that had always been thrown at her by those who said they cared. But despite all of Rachel's future plans, despite how she would inevitably leave like all the rest, she did care and wanted Chloe to be happy. When Rachel was with someone she gave them all her attention, all her focus, because that was how she could tell who a person really was. She could discover their habits, their thoughts, their dreams and passions.

She could tell that Chloe needed her tonight more than ever before, and if Rachel didn't provide, she never deserved to be Chloe's friend or the holder of her heart.

Chloe released a deep, shaky breath against Rachel's face, the odor a reminder of how much alcohol and drugs were still streaming through Chloe's system. "I just..." Chloe started, then shook her head and looked down, defeated.

Rachel frowned gently, lifting Chloe's face back up, a warm invitation to continue what she had to say because Rachel wanted to hear it. Chloe bit her lip, opening and closing her mouth a few times before she could finally speak, her voice thick with tears.

"There are always these awful thoughts in my head reminding me why I'm a shitty person. I keep repeating my mistakes, no one wants to be around me, I've ruined my future, I have no talents. It's just... constant voices in my head reminding me that I hate myself, over and over. It... It fucking _sucks_." Chloe rested her hands on Rachel's that were upon her cheeks, sinking further into the touch. "And the only time those voices stop talking... is when you're here."

Rachel felt her heart throb, the ability to breathe suddenly much harder. What made Chloe stop hating herself was the exact same reason Rachel _did_ hate herself and this made Rachel speechless for one of the first times in her life. Normally she always knew what to say, always had a comeback, but there was nothing of value she could say after hearing that.

She couldn't speak. Her tongue was tied. At this point her words wouldn't have any meaning. There was nothing she could say to Chloe at this point that would reassure her or make Rachel feel less like a bad person.

But Rachel's actions were always louder than her words and tended to leave a powerful echo.

Chloe's actions were usually the same, always preferring them over verbal communication, and this was proven in the next moment when Chloe leaned forward those last few inches and kissed Rachel for the first time. Rachel let her, not kissing back but not pulling away either. The kiss was sloppy but soft, tasting of booze, and Rachel stared at Chloe's face until the blue haired girl's eyes burst open and she quickly pulled away, so fast she almost fell off the bed.

"Rach... I'm sorry. I didn't mean..." Chloe hiccupped, curling in on herself. "I'm drunk, and..."

Rachel didn't let her finish, didn't let her take the kiss back, by pulling Chloe against her and pressing their lips together again, harder than before. Chloe gasped into her mouth and Rachel took advantage, absorbing her air, her sweetness, her love, and sucked on Chloe's lower lip until she was throatily moaning.

The blonde pulled back for a moment to look at her sweet Chloe's face, her expression confused but so full of hope and love. Her lips were parted, tongue running over the lower, and her hazy blue eyes flickered between Rachel's eyes and her mouth.

"Rachel..."

The aspiring model kissed her again, one hand running through Chloe's cobalt hair while the other reached for her hand, interlocking their fingers. Chloe was shy, hesitant, clearly afraid to do the wrong thing, but eventually began kissing back with a quiet passion and a desire to please.

It was a sensation Rachel had felt before when kissing Frank, but she hadn't grown accustomed to it yet. She'd kissed multiple people before, some experiences more memorable than others, but being kissed by someone who loved her unconditionally was equally as beautiful as it was heartbreaking. With everyone else there were no strings; no one's feelings to worry about.

She had Chloe's heart in her hand right now. She could do whatever she wanted with it. And tonight she was going to fulfill this heart's desires more than ever before, because this heart would surely break sometime afterward, and Rachel just hoped the pieces would be salvageable. A heart could only break so many times before the owner decided it's not worth repairing again.

Rachel guided Chloe to the back of the bed, lowering Chloe's head to the pillow and crawling on top of her without separating their lips. Chloe was trembling and Rachel could sense the happiness emanating from her. Not only was Chloe probably feeling that a dream of hers was being realized, but even more than that, it probably felt like something was finally going right in her life. That her emotions, her feelings, her existence, was validated and appreciated.

That, for a moment, she mattered more to the love of her life than anyone else.

That was a feeling Rachel often fell victim to as well; one of the only obstacles she couldn't slither away from like the snake she was.

Chloe was an angel. She deserved so much better than Rachel. But for right now, when it mattered most of all, Rachel would do anything for her.

The blonde slid her tongue into the blue haired girl's mouth and explored, trailing over Chloe's tongue and teeth and gums and Chloe absolutely melted into her, sighing and shivering. Rachel felt Chloe's hands slowly grasp at her arms, travelling upwards until they gripped Rachel's biceps and shoulders, gently squeezing the muscles beneath. It was obvious Chloe didn't know what she was doing, especially in her state of mind, but it was clear she was trying to do something. Trying to show her appreciation, her feelings, in any way she could.

It was gentle. It was sweet. It was the purest form of love.

Rachel may never feel that again. And she was selfish. She wanted to feel as much of that, as much of Chloe, as she possibly could before she left Arcadia Bay behind.

Rachel pulled away, a wet popping sound bursting from their mouths, satisfied at the deep breaths Chloe had to take; satisfied at the hasty rise and fall of her chest; at her rapidly beating heart. Rachel smiled down at this beautiful girl, reaching out to tuck some rebellious cobalt strands behind her ear. Chloe blushed darkly, swollen lips trembling and begging for more.

"Rachel," Chloe whispered, voice thick, "I... I lo—"

The blonde shushed her with a graceful finger over her lips. Rachel couldn't hear those words out loud or it would break her. Rachel was proud of her emotional strength, her general composure, but she knew those words from this girl would break her.

As Chloe took another deep breath, Rachel's eyes fell to the triple bullet necklace rising and falling on Chloe's chest. Rachel took it between her fingers and caressed their cold, hard surface. She immediately noticed Chloe's breathing quicken.

"I got you this necklace because I think it looks good on you." Rachel looked up at Chloe through her eyelashes, her eyelids drooping to a seductive smoulder. "But I think it would look even better if it were the only thing on you."

The entirety of Chloe's body shook, a violent quiver of anticipation that Rachel absorbed with a hungry leer. The hand on Chloe's necklace slowly, painfully slowly, travelled up Chloe's chest to her neck, resting on her pulse point that was hammering beneath her skin.

Rachel looked up into Chloe's eyes; eyes that were suddenly scared of her but also yearning for her; nervous for her touch but also craving it. That look made Rachel's heart stammer, something only Chloe ever managed to do to her. Chloe made her feel things that she absolutely should not feel because these feelings were going to make everything harder in the end.

Rachel licked her lips, leaning down until only an inch separated their mouths. She took in Chloe's alcohol-scented breath, her light cologne, the sweat starting to sheen her skin. She looked at the pain in Chloe's eyes, the hope, the lust, the desire to love and be loved in return.

She wanted to love Chloe.

She wanted to imprint Chloe with everything that she was.

She wanted to ensure that even if the world forgot about Rachel Amber, Chloe Price never would.

Rachel devoted her lips and her hands to memorizing everything that Chloe was, tracing over every inch of skin within reach. Her flushed face, her creamy neck, the jut of her collarbone, her shoulders, her lanky arms. The blonde nibbled at Chloe's pulse and the punk had thrown her head back and gripped tightly at Rachel's hair, barely stable. Rachel rested almost all of her weight on Chloe, pressing their hips together and slowly grinding, making Chloe gasp into her mouth and making her hips jolt up in surprise.

Rachel grinned against Chloe's lips and soon her hands were sliding under Chloe's razorback tank, manicured nails leaving gentle white trails on Chloe's skin as they pulled the shirt up on their investigation of new territory. Chloe raised her arms obediently and Rachel tossed the shirt away, running her eyes over Chloe's skinny form and displaying a warm smile.

She felt Chloe shiver beneath her, the blue haired girl unable to take her eyes off her.

Tongue and lips and teeth left wet residue and red marks across Chloe's abdomen and as Rachel traced the cups of Chloe's black bra with her fingertips was when Chloe seemed to fully understand what was potentially about to happen. Those blue eyes widened and her breathing stopped momentarily. Rachel stared back, refusing to continue until she had permission.

There was a concerning, but understandable, mixture of fear and nervousness in those eyes, a perfect combo for those who have never done this before. Chloe had told her years ago on the train that she wasn't a virgin but Rachel didn't believe her for a minute. Rachel considered herself skillful at reading people's emotions, their truths and their tells, but she had been a master at detecting Chloe Price's bullshit meter from day one, and there was no way the punk had lost her v-card before sixteen.

Considering the lack of trust Chloe had in people, Rachel wouldn't have been surprised if Chloe hadn't kissed anyone by then, either.

Rachel remembered her own first kiss and first time, sober for the first and sadly not drunk enough for the second. The kiss was nice enough but wasn't worth thinking about once the next one came, and her first time she refused to think about whenever possible. It was gross and sketchy and dangerous, lacking any care or passion, and she couldn't let Chloe endure a similar experience.

Chloe was probably as drunk now as Rachel had been then, but the difference was that Rachel was going to love her. Rachel was going to prove to Chloe that was beautiful and worth loving.

Chloe reached up, her arms at full length as she cupped Rachel's cheeks, holding her still. Rachel waited patiently, her heart skipping a beat as Chloe's thumbs stroked her high cheekbones. The blue haired girl was searching her again, her anxiety hunting for any sign that this was a ruse or that she was dreaming; trying to find a sign that disproved that Rachel truly did care; searching for any way for Chloe to believe she didn't deserve to be treated right.

Fuck that.

Rachel turned her head slowly in Chloe's grasp and, without breaking eye contact, placed the softest, ghost of a kiss on Chloe's palm. Then she turned and left a longer one on the other hand, letting her warmth linger as she pulled back. A tear fell from Chloe's eye and Rachel was quick to lean down and kiss it away. It was easy to see Chloe's distress and anxiety so Rachel closed her eyes and rested her forehead against hers, content in just being close to Chloe and hoping the quiet affection would help Chloe feel at ease. Rachel supported her weight with her forearms on the bed, running her fingers soothingly through Chloe's hair and rubbing her temples until the other girl's breathing began to slow and deepen.

Rachel opened her eyes when she felt Chloe run her hands through her golden mane to see Chloe's eyes were still open, staring at her with more admiration than anyone ever had before. One hand cupped her left ear, gently playing with her blue feather earring. Chloe knew how much the earring meant to her, and also knew that Rachel wouldn't allow anyone but her to touch it. The other hand travelled a little lower, nervously fingering Rachel's exposed bra strap that had slid down her shoulder.

"Please?" Chloe whispered. It was so soft Rachel barely caught it.

But it was all she needed to hear.

She kissed Chloe softly, again, and again, until Chloe was breathless and panting and needing her like the drugs Rachel couldn't escape. Lip gloss smeared over sweat-slick skin, all clothing tossed away and quickly forgotten as Rachel treated Chloe's body like a canvas, painting the emptiness until it was full and beautiful. Bruises and bites and kisses coloured Chloe's chest, circling her bullet necklace like some form of mythical symbol. Rachel ventured down further, and further still, until she tasted Chloe for the first time and became immediately addicted.

With a skillful tongue she was quickly hearing music from Chloe's mouth, groans and cries echoing into the pillow. And for the next while Rachel relished every tug at her hair, every scratch at her back, every moan in her mouth and whisper in her ear. A part of her knew she shouldn't be doing this, that this was just going to make it harder for her to let Chloe go, but she couldn't stop herself.

She would never see Chloe this happy again and she needed to remember Chloe's tired, loving, stunning smile because it was possible Chloe would forget how to smile soon.

And she would be the reason why.

It was reaching the early morning hours when Chloe finally passed out, snuggled into Rachel's bare shoulder. Her expression was more peaceful than ever and Rachel caught herself staring for a long time, the sight more appealing than the idea of sleep. After all, when she woke up she would have to face reality again.

Chloe may remember this whole night, or maybe she would remember none of it. Rachel still wasn't sure what she would prefer. It wouldn't change how hurt Chloe would be in the end.

It wouldn't change how Rachel felt for her, and how much she hated herself that those feelings weren't enough to make her stay.

Remembering about her phone, Rachel carefully fished around for it on Chloe's floor without disturbing the girl and decided to check the messages she had received hours ago. She already knew who had sent them and had a vague idea of what they would say, but she had to be sure.

 _ **-M: I'm here. How long?  
**_ **Received at 11:54 pm**

 _ **-M: Where are you?  
**_ **Received at 11:58 pm**

 _ **-M: Rachel?  
**_ **Received at 12:05 am**

She had gotten no messages since and assumed he had probably went home, which was for the best. A part of her felt bad, and slightly concerned for her potential career, but a passing glance at Chloe's sleeping face reminded her that she had no place to care about anything else tonight.

Rachel texted back a half-hearted apology and a promise to make it up him before turning off her phone and tossing it back onto her plaid shirt, not wanting the vibrations on the wooden floor from a potential reply to stir her beautiful Chloe from her slumber.

Rachel stared at her, gently petting her blue hair and felt her heart throb as Chloe curled in even closer to her, throwing an arm over her middle. The movement pushed Chloe's bullet necklace against Rachel's side, the coldness and realness of the gift overwhelming her with a wave of sadness. Rachel released a deep breath and tried to distract herself by drawing lazy patterns on Chloe's arm with her fingertips; tried to distract herself from how she could hear Chloe's heartbeat thanks to how close they were.

Tried to distract herself from how she was going to break this heart and, in turn, break her own.

She tried to think about what it would be like if she didn't leave. She could continue being worshipped by everyone at Blackwell, even though it was ridiculous because she did nothing to deserve the praise. She could keep getting free drugs from Frank. She could fall asleep in Chloe's arms every night if she wanted and wake up to her peaceful sleeping face every morning.

But Arcadia Bay was tainted. Horrible events of her past lingered here, images of fire and screaming and death, black feathers and white dresses, and she absolutely would not stay here. She would never be a model here. She would never achieve her dreams here.

She would never be free here.

And if she wanted to be free, she had to trap the one who loved her more than the world.

Rachel didn't want to hurt Chloe, but she knew she was going to hurt Chloe. It was a fact. It was unchangeable.

So all Rachel could do, as she blinked back tears and laid a kiss on Chloe's hairline and held her tightly, protectively, was embrace the calm before the storm.

* * *

 **A/N: I hope some hearts are hurting lmao please review guys, I would love to hear your thoughts :)**


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